A time of darkness?...

And so I am back.

Tired but all in one piece from the battle.

Today was a massive ‘take me apart’ fest. On one hand they say ‘don’t take it personally’ but on the other hand you’re sat there in the hot seat with 20 odd students throwing assumptions, accusations, condescending and patronising ‘constructive criticism’ at you.

Being a student representative trying to prove my worth I swallowed my pride and listened. I was trembling slightly from the adrenaline rush hearing all these accusations and having resistance that comprised of the majority of the students. It was very difficult to prove myself when people are trying to pick bones from an egg and making mountains out of a molehill. No matter what I do, I cannot please them. When there is a resistance of such scale, no matter how righteous one is, it’s almost impossible to remain in such position… it is perhaps inevitable to step down one day if there's no way of changing their attitudes towards you.

However, right now I feel as though I’m cornered. Whilst I want to prove myself by being myself, I don’t want to have to tolerate all this. It is clear that even though these things are apparently ‘not personal’, that they are. That they are undermining and daring me, either to step down in defeat or by wrapping myself around their little finger.

I know it’s a political game, but I refuse to do it for the sake of playing by the game and being fake to people, socialising out of pretence. I’m not such person with a charade.

I won’t admit defeat but I am not obliged to tolerate such psychological bullying.

I didn’t sign up for this rubbish.

It’s neither a beginning nor the end. It’s approaching an eclipse, where things stand in the dark for some time….

Who knows what will happen.

Let’s just see how things go…