The fall is coming, and soon it will be Winter...

Hello world,

This is my first official post since the move of my personal posts to this new blog address. I guess it was because I felt the other blog was becoming too crowded, too busy and untidy. It just wasn't the right environment, virtual environment, for me to write properly anymore. I needed some space.

Although, there are still quite a lot of posts I have imported on here that I was wanting to throw away, such as my music recommendations and posts of things I found interesting or cute, I kept them there. I guess it's because it would make this blog a lot more livelier than just having my personal written entries. Also, all those things are part of me, so you'll probably have a better idea of what kind of things I tend to find interesting.

So here I am, at last. I found a bit of peace in my mind to sit down and write about what has been happening lately. 

It's been busy, but life has been good (*^^*). Of course, a lot of things happen and bad things happen, but I've been really fortunate, I'm ever so grateful.

My summer has consisted of working on papers for deadlines, preparing for a Viva Voce (which is like a verbal examination where you get interrogated by a panel of examiners and you have to defend yourself and your work), and preparing for a conference. Hopefully I'll be free after all that, in October!

Does it sound like I've been working myself to the grave? Haha, no way. I've been out and about (*^^*)

Summer has been odd, the weather I mean. It is sunny and terribly hot and blazing some days (or more precisely, some hours of the day), then we would get heavy rainstorms and thunderstorms that would last all evening and all night. Raining non-stop.

Strangely though, I find it really calming, and makes me smile, even. I never hated the rain, I just didn't like getting drenched in it. But now I kind of really like it, I look forward to it. Especially the thunderstorms.

Autumn is definitely here, it's a lot colder, but the sun is out. I guess we never really get proper Summer weather here.

I've been on day trips to the countryside and visited cute little villages, sat in tea rooms that had assorted homemade country cakes and gateaux on sale, and cute pots of tea and coffee. Then went for walks around streams and country lanes that had tiny bridges over the streams. It was relaxing.

Back in the city, I made use of the extended sale seasons and stocked up on a wardrobe's worth of items to add to my collection (how I still manage to live in my room is a miracle!). I guess the recession is really serious and the economy is in a dire state; there's never been sales that lasted over 2 months before, it's nearly September and there's tonnes of sales!

In the office, it's drama galore. The office is primarily all guys except for myself, one other (she's rarely around) and the admin staff. And gosh do they gossip! You'd think they are high school girls. I was told that a bunch of them were speculating over my social (and love life) and coming to random conclusions that I was dating someone sat at a nearby desk. Pathetic. 

The worrying thing is, these men are ALL PhD students (you'd think they have better logic, as they are supposedly smart people, no?) and the average age of them would lie at around mid/late-30s. Shocking, huh?

I don't make a habit of publicising my social life, personal life, or similar. And I don't intend to.

Back in my room, I let my innerself become a recluse and whist I go about daily life as usual. My mind is multi-tasking; dealing with the web of thoughts, contemplating and deciphering, whilst keeping rational to work.

I guess because things are happening so quickly suddenly, that I have been forced to go through a phase of change, again. First was music academy that gave me arguably the most major of my metamorphoses and now my research degree. A phase, a metamorphosis that is shaping my morals, values, wisdom (haha!) and personality.

I have achieved a scholarship, and this year I will also become an Associate Lecturer for the Master's degree courses. (Yes, I'm having a windfall this year! (*^0^*)! )

Soon I will be lecturing, when term starts, and already I can see my thesis forming a subtle shape... things are becoming more real and achievable.. it's like I'm starting to see the horizon because I know I can prove it, reach it and it's not 'I'm seeing it because I believe in it' anymore.

However there's an indescribable emptiness, it's like my inner world has gone into a long Winter, and gentle snowflakes are constantly falling in the night sky. Part of me know why there's this darkness and I'm constantly denying myself of the solution, avoiding it, excusing myself. I've left my piano in the dark. I've left my music behind, I've frozen my passion into hibernation forcefully.

It's been busy and I just can't find my inner peace to face it with all my strength right now. So I'm going to fight it as soon as my exam is over. 

It's not depressing, don't get me wrong. I'm far from depressed. It's just, quiet, calm, peaceful... as if the world has just gone to sleep in anticipation for a bright sunrise and a beautiful gorgeous day. But whilst the world sleeps, there's an obvious tension lingering in the air - perhaps something is changing, some turbulence?

I guess all this subconscious stress really is there - I've gone down with Ulticaria, a rash that had appeared in this past week and a bit, all over. Usually it's from food allergies, but I'm not allergic to any foodstuffs. But it is possible that it has occurred for no reason also. So currently, I'm on medication and wishing it to get better quickly.

Time really flies, we're all growing up.

A lot of things have been on my mind; my future plans, my family... I'm not young anymore and there are no excuses for irresponsibility and immaturity (although I've always been mature) and I have been considering certain plans seriously in light of future aims, for myself, and my family. I'm not one to leave my family behind for my own selfish quests - they have given so much to me and have been there for me, I couldn't be ungrateful and disregard it, whether it is out of duty or love.

So no matter how hard things are, I know I have my family to support me all the way (*^~^*) and I have one or two friends to keep me distracted too! 

I just don't understand why some people are so negative; 90% of what they say are complains or similar. Can't they see that they are blessed with what they have, and who they have to love them? There are people out there who have much less but they face the world each day with smiles and thoughts of content and gratefulness. Meanwhile, there are those who act as if the whole world owes them, claiming they deserve better and demand some sort of good fortune to happen in their life.

Well the thing is, you have to work for results, and results aren't instant. I believe in Karma, and you get what you deserve. Of course there are things that aren't caused or consequences of our own acts, but some things are determined by our own actions.

I just think that it is important to face the world positively, and no, I don't mean that one should be naively optimistic, but even so, it'd be a hell of a lot better compared to being a pessimist and constantly maintaining a negative attitude. There are people out there who care and love you, can you bear to wear them down with all that negativity?

(*^^*) So think happy thoughts, even when times are rough, because you know that you have been blessed in one way or another, and you should make use of it, become stronger and face the world with a beautiful smile that could melt the sun.

Hope to hear from you soon, and keep smiling (*^^*)